Featured Story

week of October 12, 2019

Notes from a Non-Esdeeay

by Chris Blake

Recently I happened upon a sort of journal. This journal had apparently been kept by a young man who had visited an Adventist Church for a few weeks. Then suddenly, without explanation, the young man stopped coming. The journal was found in a pew one Sabbath. Here’s what it contained.

I’m attempting to figure out the peculiar dialect spoken by members of this church. Some of the terms they use seem so strange, but I’m too shy or maybe embarrassed to ask what they mean. The members all take it for granted that I know already, I guess. Anyway, here are a few samples and explanations, as nearly as I can figure.

esdeeay—“Is he esdeeay?” This means, “Is he A-OK?” An esdeeay is someone who has learned the dialect.

Sabbath—Confusing variant of Saturday. No one says Saturday. Esdeeays say Sabbath even when pointing to the calendar—which says Saturday—to count the days of the week. Yet they also celebrate Sabbath on Friday.

G. C.—“That’s what G. C. voted.” No idea what this stands for. Ground Coffee? Gorgeous Claudette? Green Consortium? General Custer?

vespers—“Are you going to vespers?’ The meaning is uncertain, although it’s apparently an ongoing process. Haven’t figured out yet how anyone vespers. Everybody assumes I’ve vespered before.

dork us—“Let’s give it to dork us.” Apparently a way of giving away something you don’t want to receive something you do want. Somehow this helps to keep people clothed and warm. Dorking is quite popular.

Alan Geewite—“Have you read any Alan Geewite?” Popular esdeeay author. Important issue apparently is whether he made a profit or didn’t make a profit.

P-U-C—“I’m going to P-U-C.” Seems to be not a spelled-out declaration of imminent illness but an esdeeay college in northern California.

loamel—Meat substitute used in many foods. There’s loamel in the steaks, loamel in the hot dogs. There’s even loamel in the university.

going and gathering—“Are you going and gathering?” A method of going door-to-door around Christmastime to gather money from the community. This money is used to help the church reach Argole, wherever that is.

tie, then offerings—“The time has come to give our tie, then offerings.” Apparently a generic idiom not to be taken literally. I have yet to see a tie in the offering plate . . .

cold porters—Underclad people who carry books and bags to others’ doors. I don’t know why they can’t give something to the church to get themselves dorked. It sure would beat being cold.

translation—Everyone talks about being ready for translation. “When Christ comes we will be translated.” Trouble is, I don’t know if I can wait that long.

The journal entries ended here, and no forwarding address for the fellow could be found. It’s too bad he left. He seemed nice enough.

—Published originally in Insight magazine and Welcome to the Family

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